Jul 22 2008
Stop the Noise!
Is your life too quiet? Does your mind have too much freedom to think without interruption? Can you work on your beloved activities for hours–maybe even all day–without interruption? Do you sometimes forget to eat lunch when you are so caught up in something you love?
Well, I have the perfect solution for your problem: Children! Those sweet little people come out screaming, and as they grow they graduate to yelling, squealing, making machine gun noises, and–worst of all–playing with loud toys that well-meaning relatives gave them. Their favorite toys include cymbals, battery-powered sound effects, talking dolls, drums, and any animal-like toys that quack, moo, bark or ribbit.
And even if you can forget about meals, they can’t. You will never have to go through an entire day without eating again, or even a few hours, for their digestive processes work fast, and they need constant refueling. You’ll learn how to make lunch in five minutes, and you’ll never go hungry again. In fact, cleaning their plates will likely add much-needed fat to that scrawny frame of yours.
Your single-mindedness won’t be an issue with children around, either. No doubt they would love to help you with your activity, sharing your paints, pushing the pedal of your sewing machine when they believe you need it, accompanying you on the piano, even editing your manuscript when you leave your laptop unattended…but their attention spans won’t let you fixate on anything for long. After all, even as college freshmen they only have a 12-minute attention span, so when they are FIVE, their attention is more like 2 minutes.
So get yourself a child, and all your problems will be solved. Besides, they are really cute (even when getting into trouble), and you cannot imagine the joy they bring (even as they change your life forever).
