shakespearemom

I’ve discussed this before, and I will most DEFINITELY discuss it again, mainly because I deal with this issue every single day of my existence. And I have yet to resolve it.

I love taking care of my kids. They are bright (of course they are bright! I’m biased!), charming, kind, and delightful. But if I spend every waking moment with them, I go insane. I become snippy, tired, and cranky, and it’s not because they’ve done anything wrong. But it’s too much for me, all the time. Suddenly everything seems a chore, everything irritates.

At the same time, I LOVE writing. And teaching. I love being at college, surrounded by students who are working at their writing, who are discussing literature. I love the academic side of who I am, and I need it. It is part of who I am. Yet I miss my children, miss putting them to bed on the nights I have class. Miss them when I am out signing books or telling ghost stories. And when a child is sick, and I have to miss class, or make other arrangements, the stress is horrible!

Right now, I am not teaching. My son has just come down with an ear infection, and his eye is now pussing up (which means he needs antibiotics). So tomorrow I have to call the doctor. Fortunately, though, I don’t have to worry about not being able to take him to daycare, or who will cover a class or meeting while I’m at the doctor’s office. And that is a huge blessing. If this were in the fall, I’d have to make some sort of arrangements for all of that.

My son is still two years from full-day school, although, if I choose, I can begin him in a year with full-day kindergarten. But do I want that? Is that what’s best for him, or for me? If I work full-time at a college, what will my hours be? Will I be able to get my kids to school? Will I be home when they are? Who will watch them? My daughter is five years from being able to stay at home by herself, and evenwhen that is legal, I’m not sure that’s preferable for her to be alone that much.

So, what do I do? How do I balance all this? What would be best for me? For my kids? For my husband? I don’t think we need different things. I believe what will be best for me will likely be good for everyone else.

Now I just have to find out what that is.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS