shakespearemom

Just in case you thought my blog was predictable, that I was the equivalent of Jane Austen, all thought, no hormones, here I am to shake things up a bit. I was intrigued by the top ten lists on JD’s I Do Things blog, I thought I’d make one of my own. 

You see, I was blessed with one (likely final) episode of Crusoe, literally the ONLY show I regularly watch on television. A previous blog I wrote discussed why I liked it, but to sum up, it was:

1. Not the writing.

2. Not gripping plot.

3. Not the well-known actors.

4. Not the tremendous special effects.

I could go on with all the other elements the show doesn’t have, but if you read the title of this post, you’ll already know: Beefcake, plain and simple. Okay, yes, the costumes help, since I’m a natural born costumer and sucker for beautiful clothes. But until this show came around, I didn’t realize how much of a sucker I was for beautiful men. 

And why is that exactly? Why has it taken me this long to realize my own level of testosterone increases with a cute guy around? Perhaps part of it that, for nearly 20 years, I’ve had my own beefcake. My hubby’s pretty darn cute, the tall, dark, handsome type. He even wears a beard, mainly because I love beards. 

But there hasn’t been enough beefcake on TV, at least not on Prime Time. You see, women are more complex than men. We can enjoy the way a guy looks, but if he’s a creep, we will gradually see him as only a creep, negating any beefcakeyness he might otherwise have had. And, typically, a really cute guy is stereotyped either as narcissistic or so stupid he might as well be a rock. For some reason, while a woman is stereotyped as worthless if she isn’t pretty (with very few exceptions), beautiful men can’t be trusted. If they are that pretty, they have to be significantly flawed. 

Let me see if I can come up with two lists. The first, the top ten Cute and Nice Guys (on television):

1.  Robinson Crusoe (you have to see it if you haven’t), played by Philip Winchester

2.  Gray’s Anatomy… but only Dr. McDreamy (although I like him best in Enchanted)

3.  Um… well… 

You see, I can’t think of anybody else. I have even tried to think of past shows, but Bo and Luke Duke never appealed to me, and David Hasselhoff? Bbbllecccchhh! I remember liking the show BJ and the Bear, but I can’t even remember what the guy looked like. And as a kid I loved Buck Rogers, but he wasn’t exactly the ideal beefcake either (though I did catch a marathon of that show a few months ago…and I love the one where he was captured and auctioned off). The old Battlestar Galactica had two sort of beefcakes, but Apollo was too stiff, and Starbuck too much of a lady’s man (remember the stereotype?).

I know the beefcake is out there, waiting for an acting job. I just need to get through to TV producers to let them know what I want. 

Requirements for Truly Delectable Beefcake:

1.  A good, emotive face. 

2.  Kindness/sensitivity (and not just to a woman when he’s in love with her).

3.  Heroism (yes, he needs to face tough stuff, and that doesn’t mean choosing between 2 women).

4.  Intelligence (His voice has to sound intelligent, too, not just say smart things. For me, that means Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are out.)

5.  Vulnerability (no man is always strong… just ask Mr. Incredible, or Spiderman)

6.  A sense of isolation, even if he has friends (think Harry Potter)

7.  Honesty/honor

8.  Loyalty (to a woman, to friends, etc.)

9.  Good clothes (and, yes, 18th century coats and half-open shirts work better than underwear. My imagination works great, thanks. Often better than the original.)

10.  A great body (even a good body would work, if he has the other stuff)

So there it is, my testosterone-laden entry for the year. I might do a second one on films, but right now I need to go snuggle with my own beefcake. Think I could get him in a pirate costume?

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