Jan 27 2009
Needing
Ever feel pulled in 82 different directions? Ever wonder what it’s like to just work a 9-5 job, come home in the evenings, have a quiet dinner, and watch television for several hours before you go to bed? Lots of people do it. Many of them don’t cook either. They just take turns with their spouse to decide what restaurant they’re buying take-out from that evening. Must be nice to actually be “off work” in the evenings and on weekends.
My world right now is filled with too many tasks to count. But since I have a little space to fill here, I’ll try to count them out anyway. Here are the “have-tos”:
1. Crystal, who needs feeding, needs a lunch to take to school, needs to get on the bus on time, needs to be picked up at the bus on time, needs a piano lesson once a week, and needs help doing homework (lots of help), cleaning her room (mostly needs reminding for this one), and practicing her piano (that one’s pretty easy).
2. Brandon needs feeding, boo-boo kissing (lots of boo-boos), snacks, more feeding, reminding about going to the potty, a reading lesson every day (if possible), exercise, behavior curbing (when he goes too far, which is several times an hour), and more feeding. Did I tell you he ate a lot?
3. Richard needs validating, needs a kiss and some words of encouragement in the morning, needs to watch his television shows so he can veg, needs dinner (he pretty much takes care of the rest), needs clean clothes (running out of undies drives him crazy, and for good reason), needs to talk about work and politics, with feedback, needs to be near me in the evenings, so he doesn’t get too lonely, and needs the house to be pretty clean, so he doesn’t freak out and start cleaning at midnight, unable to sleep because the house is too sloppy.
4. Chayton (a child I care for weekdays) needs reminding to go to the potty, needs food and snacks (he likes eating as much as Brandon), needs toys, needs to be reminded not to suck on his fingers (which he does anyway), needs interaction both with me and Brandon, needs curbing (see Brandon’s notes above), and needs carting to and from preschool (along with Brandon).
5. My church needs me to write checks, pay bills, make deposits of donated moneys, pay employees, keep track of finances, fill out tax forms and all sorts of other money-related things, format, print out, copy, and fold the weekly bulletins for church services, and practice, practice, practice piano for all that I play on Sunday. They also need me in the choir, since one of the other sopranos is at the piano accompanying the choir, and thus cannot sing in it.
6. My class needs set-up (so that they remain on task throughout the two-hour session two nights a week), needs babysitting set up for each one (I have to leave at least an hour before Richard can get home from work), needs LOTS of grading, needs constant checking of e-mails, etc. This is a high-demand class, one with a lot of practice, a lot of revising, a lot of quizzes, readings, etc. Today I will likely spend 5-7 hours prepping for tonight’s class.
7. The house usually needs cleaning, sweeping, vacuuming, dish washing, laundry (I do this once a week–all day), neatening, maintenance (new light bulbs, filters, etc.), and more cleaning. With two to four kids here all the time, it gets pretty messy, and I must be vigilant so that it never quite gets to be a pigsty.
And all these needs aren’t for me, they are for everyone else. I do need to keep on the boys about going potty so that I don’t get another pooped-in pair of pants like last week (I promise not to give further details, since I’m sure you don’t want them), but it’s not my problem I’m dealing with. It’s theirs. These people and things need me, need stuff from me, whether it’s neatening, scrubbing, talking, assistance, or validation.
But what do I need? I wish I knew. I just know I am not getting it. Maybe I need what everybody around me needs–help, validation, interaction. More than anything, I think I need to relax! Then I won’t have to whine in my blog just to get myself going again.
(One note: Be sure to get in your responses to last Friday’s posting…I want to work on that Wednesday and Thursday! It isn’t a need, but it would help.)
Darling, this is your older sister talking, the one that’s been through the “everything for everyone but me” stage and I’m telling you there’s something missing from your list: time FOR you.
I don’t mean writing or blogging, though that’s important. I don’t even mean, necessarily, validation and support - I’m sure you get some of that while you’re validating and supporting your husband.
I’m mean some time away from any and all responsibilities, those little things that can wear you down and wear you out. Dinner with a friend or going to a movie only another girl can appreciate. Getting your nails done someplace where you get a little pampering with no cell phone or other distraction. An afternoon to wander through a bookstore with no time constraints. And not writing because that has it’s own pressure. Take time to write, too, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.
I mean it. Don’t wait until you have time or until you can work it out. Carve out the time for it now. Mental health and well-being is not less important than all those other things or you wouldn’t be working so hard to preserve everyone else’s.
Take it, for everyone’s benefit.
And then remind me I need to take my own advice once in a while.
I agree with the previous poster; everyone needs “alone” time to recharge batteries and de-stress.
Like your writing style!
Oh, hun…it sounds like we’re in the exact same boat here! There’s never enough time in the day and all you want is a break. Scratch that….NEED a break!
Your sister’s dead on with it. I wish I could offer something better than encouragement…I’m still figuring out how one starts incorporating that alone time into a schedule that’s already bursting at the seams, but I really hope you find it.
(how about the first one to find it lets the other in on the secret, lol)
Everybody’s right. I actually took the two boys to the YMCA today, but instead of working out, I went to the lobby and graded papers. Got them all done, too, and much faster than I would have if they’d been whining at me.
I’m hoping to go out with a friend this weekend. She’s coming in to stay overnight Saturday, with her hubby and son…only we’re likely going to leave them at home and go out to the movies, or something.
It’s so hard to recharge without feeling guilty. I need to work on that (and it sounds like some of you do, too!).
Thanks for the encouragement!
Fun times, when the kidlets are still so young…. time out for the mommy sounds like a very good idea