shakespearemom

How do the hours go by so quickly? Compared to the list that faces me today, I have way too much to do and not nearly enough time. Why can’t I ever get everything done?

I’ve managed to post pretty much every day this week, but sometimes I can barely get to it. I’ve managed to get my kids bathed when they absolutely need it (nope, not every day–not enough time), to do laundry before everyone’s underwear runs out, to deposit checks, get kids to school, etc., all the absolute necessities. But I have no time for anything else. 

Perhaps it’s all a matter of perspective. I suppose, if I didn’t have much income (I don’t, but my hubby brings home enough, thank goodness), I’d be ranting about how I can barely feed my kids the cheapest meals I can come up with, but I have no more for anything fun. No ice cream, no splurges, no new shoes when my old ones wear out. No new tires, even though the ones I drive on are balding. And these concerns would be more important than my previous rant. Perhaps I shouldn’t even be complaining.

But that is not my problem, and in my life, since the financial need has been taken care of, I have developed other ones (I cover this in another blog). My problem stems from a fear–a horrible fear–that my life won’t matter in the long run. I fear that I will die, and though my family members may be sad, I won’t have left anything memorable behind. The laundry I washed will get dirty again, and someone else will wash it. The teaching job I once did is filled by somebody else, and even if that somebody doesn’t do as good a job, no one really knows or cares. Everything goes on.

But, and I know this is selfish–I want to leave a hole behind, and, even more, I want to leave something real behind, something for people to read, to enjoy, to learn from, to change their lives with. 

And that’s why I write–when I have time…

And that is why I NEED MORE TIME!!!

(Whew! Now I got that off my chest, I need to go clean the bathrooms… No time! No time!)